Ego and Adjustment - doesnt go hand in hand.

Offlate, I have been closely watching people around me and hearing about so many tales that are not really rosy ! What I could see that there is no big problem, all are small issues but people are not open to communicate with each other. The best thing is when u weigh both sides, no one is to be blamed. It is just the situation in which both the parties are !! However I do not want to deny the fact that people can always talk it out. I am sure all of us have a ego, that stands higher than the wiser thoughts we have. I have been hearing of husband insulting his wife with no mercy infront of public, problems between son and father, daughter-in law and in laws. List just goes on....But not one gets to look at this from a close proximity even though we everyday hear of terrible things happening around the world. The other day my dad and I had this big fight and few clash of words which instantly poisened the atmosphere ... It is very disturbing to have such conversations. All said and done, it is inevitable sometimes and is good to put things out instead of keeping it inside your mind and watering your thoughts day in and day out. Appa and I obviously cleared it out when in the cool heads later and we hold no opinions about each other. But this does not happen in most of the other forced relationships within a family.The main problem I see is:

-People dont want to communicate with each other

-Everyone thinks he/she is always right

-Most people dont consider their daugher-in laws as one among their children, Partiality is always loudly visible ... (Is also equally applicable vice versa with daughter in laws)

-There is no open discussion about small issues and ego comes in between to accept mistakes and move on

-Complain about all the problems to a third person out of family, but not enough courtesy to solve it between the people were the problem lies. One fine day you get to know from the third person that this has been told about you by your own family members !

-No one wants to adjust to others way of life

According to me practically it is impossible to please anyone completely. It is best to be independent and live by yourself, if you think the relationship is getting bitter. Definetely a honest effort has to be made to set it right. Now its altogether different question if you dont want to set it right.

It is very complex and there is no definetive rule as such. It is situation based and to an extent individual based. Life is never rosy forever and everyone has to go through it themselves to understand others problems. Now there are rare souls like Phani who can think rationally without being biased. If I were to be in such situation, I would ask to myself is it really required to adjust to the situation or can I be free and let the other person also free.. this may not go too well with society.. but society does not give you peace of mind...

-D

Narcissism...I hate it...

Writing my second post in one day for the first time. I am irritated. The people whom you consider as your friends, sometimes can really be irritating. What is annoying is how people make judgements on others. Most of the times the success of a person is not attributed to his hard work. Most of the times people are jealous to see others grow and I guess they feel left out. There are some other kind of creatures also, who think that they are superior to all... they display the attitude that they are the best... What a pity... I wonder when will they realise that this world has produced more fantastic and outstanding talents and they are just like a granule of sand in the sea . At the same time there are those humble heads who are always a treat to socialise with.

Egoism, superiority complex and judgements without rationalism.... is very annoying and disturbing at times.. However when I encounter such things in my surroundings, an alarm bell rings into my ear that stay disconnected with such people, stay passive to their comments and always tell yourself that dont become like them...

-D

Trying to be myself...

I have realised in time that I am not a person who likes to attend functions or marriages and get togethers unless it is of a very close friend. Especially in the hindu functions, or pooja's the purpose is always defeated. There will be a priest sitting in a corner singing his mantras, but none of the audience sitting there are intersted to even know about the rituals, why it is followed etc. I am no exception. Most of us are either waiting for the food to be served or chatting loudly with other people around gossiping about people, sometimes about the same people whose function we are currently attending. From my childhood to till now, we have also done many functions and I am sure I never gave a deep thought about it until now ! In some occassions, the host is hardly interested to greet you...isnt that the worst thing??you call someone and dont welcome or treat them well. In a marriage where 1000 people have been gathered,can you greet each of them personally and be with them ?? I am contradicting myself :)

All the relations, people, family... all these words have such a broad meaning. Its difficult to build the borders and definetely more difficult to define who belongs inside it.

I personally do not want to attend any functions nor want to organise any. Even if I do in future, the people inside my border will be hardly few. According to me most of the people in our society do all the rituals just for the sake of it. Ask them the meaning of it and they are speechless. But these are the same people who talk all big things about religion, god.. etc. I cant measure one's belief but it definelty looks a lot meaningless to me most of the times. But I am sure I can talk all big things, I too will end up repeating this again...in the process of pleasing others...

God bless me...

-D

Friend

One of my good friend is getting an opportunity to settle down in US. Its a very good news and I am so happy for her. Its been more than 9 yrs that we have known each other. we have witnessed almost everything that has happened in each others life from past 5 yrs. probably she is the only one with whom I have spoken more than 4 hrs in phone and have almost spoken every alternative days. I am not the kind of person who will completely open up to anyone. We might not know the minutest details of each others life, but the best thing is we can relate to things when we share our thoughts, experiences.. etc. Though I dont want to talk about the depth of this relationship here..I still want to write few things about it that would make me happy and sad:(

In college she was the topper and everyone's eyes was on her.. and honestly I always felt people wanted to cling on to her all the time, u know its good to be recognised along with a brainy rather than with a dumbass.. On top of it she was foreign returned and had a accent !! hehe.

We both were together in lab exper and practical exams etc as first letter of our names were not too far in the english albhatetical order ;) We were more of just classmates. I doubt if we were friends. She made sure that she kept a distance with everyone around.. May be she didnt feel anyone that interesting, nor trustworthy or may be not that intellectual.. I never undestodd the reason quite well than when I was in the college...However, we had few common interests and that was staring the sky with silence in the hostel terrace and ofcourse the undeniable music and the walkman, cassets(OMG- the cassette zamana) and sipping the coffee in the college canteen. It was fun... those days were nice. Dormant and lazy attitude towards studies, but with high career aspirations and big dreams.. !! I dont remember even single class were I have lsitened to the lecture. A single internals/ externals were I have studied to my hearts content. That reminds me .. how always me and her used to enter the exam hall when there was only one minute left for the exam to begin and how we both used to be always late to the everyday class. Gosh.. it takes some guts to set this trend in the college!! hehehe..

Coming back to her, as I said I would not call both of us as friends when we were in college as it was a suffocating atmosphere that we all were in during college and our all time motive was to get out of the halli !!( the place I did my eng was a rural village, literally inside a forest and the place was known as Halligattu :) ) .. As we graduated.. obviously we were all meant to go apart and none of us mourned for it. One sudden day, I happen to meet her and from then we started to be in touch and continued to be friends.. Initially I was hesitant as I knew the person she was.. she would not be a hushy mushy friend. Thats when I almost decided that I will have almost zero expectations from this friendship and I honestly just did that. Of course there were times, when I have expected from her and felt bad. I might or might not have expressed this to her... but I never carry the negative thoughts forward when it comes to her. I leave it there and move on. But thats not the person I am generally. That makes me feel happy about myself.

She has definetely gone through a lot of downs in her life. What makes me feel proud is she has stood by all that alone and have fought back. She is a person who believes in what she does and has no regrets at all. She definetely is a lot more rational even though she has her emotional side. She is a winner and will continue to win. Sometimes I miss her but at the same time happy that she is finally getting what she deserves and has to finally stay where she belongs. I wish someday Phani changes his mind and we also can settle down in the US and be close with the friends we love. If that happens then we will be far from the family we love. So, u loose if u want to gain and when u loose something u gain on the things that are stilll intact with you. I think at the end of the day in this modern day world, its hard to live closer to everyone. It bogs down to ur husband and children. What matters and what stays until the end is those countless moments and memories both good and bad... memories that can make u smile and travel back to the time. I will miss u my friend, but I hold no one and one fine day there might be a chance that we both may no longer be in touch.. but that doesn mean that I dont love u and miss u...

-D

Temple visit

Its so amazing how indian parents can do anything for their kids.. sorry I should say any parent in this world will do anything for their kids.. When I finished my second PU and was hunting for a engineering seat with a very bad CET ranking and roaming in the unknown streets of blore on my counselling day with my mom near majestic we happend to visit a temple and my mom was very emotional about me and prayed to god that she will come back to this temple some day if all goes well. That was almost 10 yrs back ! OMGosh..

I exactly dont know what is the meaning of "if everyhing goes well" as in these 10 yrs the share of ups and downs in my life has been equal. Ofcourse the 'downs' were due to my lack of thinking ability but the 'ups' might have happened only because of the accumulated blessings and luck (do I sound silly)..

After almost 10 yrs amma and me finally manged to locate the same temple in the tiny and messy roads of chickpet. My mom was into tears when she was praying to god, I respect her emotions.. but I didnt feel rather good nor bad... it was more like one task out of my todo's. From there we atleast visited 5 temples in malleshwaram and mahalakshmi layout. Amma genuinely felt so happy and she thanked me for taking her to all these temples. Yesterday I took her to a italian restaurant and made her eat things which she said she liked,but not sure did she really like it or not. The point what I want to make is, if I want to see others happy, I should give them what they like rather than what makes me happy by giving them.. thats were the real happiness lies.. all in all todays trip was nice with so many varieties of prasada's in each temple.. and the fresh smell of flowers, aarthi, tulsi etc etc... These visits are a refresher once in a while..I think I should hop-on to temples more often..but definetly not to the temples were I can see more people than god and more voices than silence...

-D