Irritating moments

It irritates me when my parents fight with each other. Sometimes when I call them, I find them fighting over silly past stuff. My mom's points are right but to her unfortunate fate my dads ego never lets him to surrender to her that he was wrong and he has made mistakes in past which has hurt her deeply. He says what is the point going back to 25 yrs. In a way it is true, but what about those young years that are lost without having any fun, any enjoyment and no sense of feeling together and being for each other. I am sure this is the case in 60% of the marriages, as it grows older, the charm starts fading. What surprises me is my dad's attitude about how he is right all the time. He does not give credit to mom's sacrifices. Or I will say he does give credit, but it is not consistent and subject to instant changes in opinion. Of course, no one wants to be blamed and when my mom continously nags about past, he looses his temper. If you think from his perspective, its correct.. whats the point to go back in time which cannot be changed anyways. But if you look at my moms perspective, I guess she just wants him to show a remorsefull attitude than 'I dont care' attitude. After 27 yrs of marriage I dont think the frequency still matches exactly the way it should have been.

Surprisingly,even after such cat fights, what inspires me is the survival of my parents marriage and very well together. I dont know nor want to analyse who sacrificed for who for it to be surviving so far, but inevitably both of them commited to each other.

How in our generation marriages dont survive and how we fight over smallest of things. I definetly know that commitment is what most of the people in our generation lack and thats why we see so many divorce around us. Not that I am against the idea of divorce, afterall what makes u happy is what matters. All said, the indian society has this conventional views which is very tough to be ignored.

Irritation is easily triggered by any small or big uneasy event, but for me sometimes it gets into the nerves and makes me impulsive. Learning to control irritation will be a great help to lead a happy life.. as for me I am trying and will keep trying...

-D

Just a passing thought...

I am not a biology student. Unfortunately did not opt for bio in PU. Even more unfortunate was in my 26yrs of existence never bothered to find out what are the different parts of our body and what they function and how they function. This illiteracy about human body parts and names of different body organs does not help me in anyway in my yoga classes. Many a time I go blank when my yoga teacher instructs to move a particular part of the body.. I dont know which body part I should move.. thats why I decided to learn some basic stuff.. and ended up reading a lot about brain.. its amazing how complex our body is... and how well its linked to function in an integrated manner. Can evolution answer all this complex architecture and structuring of our body? Or does it force us to think that there is a mastermind behind all this. Not just human beings.. there are thousands of different kind of species in the form of plants, animals, water bodies..etc. I think its high time I start reading about evolution.. but I still wonder if all the questions could be answered and many unanswered questions can be linked to a anonymous power that we human beings call as GOD.

Talking about GOD, how can I forget about religion and spirituality. I was reading about some of the scientists and their definition of God. Its nice to know how different people have different opinions about GOD, religion and spirituality. I am born to a religious brahmin family, were from my childhood I was involved in watering Tulsi and putting Rangoli every morning, saying mantras and bowing down to god in the pooja room, picking flowers and kadike(a kind of grass which is special to lord ganesha) and again in the evening lighting the pooja room with a deepa, aarthi, incense sticks and 3 times play the shanka(a kind of a shell, when kept near the lips and tried to push air inside it, will create a sound). This was part of my regular day to day activity as a school going girl. As a kid I never questioned my parents who force uponed me to do these rituals regularly. Ironically, now when I live in my own house, and in my own terms, I never do any of these rituals. Does it mean I never believed in what I did for those long years or I am too lazy person to do it regularly. I think above all I have started to 'think' and 'analyse' and my experience tells me that you dont need to do all these rituals to pray to god. I started believing that my good acts will protect me and my bad acts will cause me pain. So when the problem and resolution lies within me, I didnt feel the need to convince god by doing these ritual acts. But I have to admit that I feel good when I hear mantras. May be our Hindu religion also has all good morals and practices, but I have failed to comprehend its essence in daily life.

Being spiritual has nothing do with being religious.I believe spirituality goes way beyond the boundaries of religion. Spiritual to me is first connecting myself to my own conscious and then to that invisible energy/power that lies around us.

Sometimes I am neither spiritual nor religious and other times I am both. I can bravely conclude that I for sure do not know what I practice and thats why its does not interest me most of the times. All these years I was easily carried away or influenced to what other people asked me to do and did not question it.

But at times, I feel good to listen about GOD, I feel good to listen mantras, I feel good to read about our ancestoral stories and abour supernatural things that happen around us.

At the end of the day, its best to follow our mind and listen to what we like to follow rather than what others force us to follow.

Honesty

Honesty --- How many of us actually take this word seriously? How many of us are honest @ work, honest at relationships, honest at handling money and honest in telling the truth.. list goes on... !!

I believe no one in this world is completely honest to another person. We all fake it up most of the times. We try to manipulate the original 'us' to someone who could please others, who could be admired by others. Not all the time, but most of the times we are bound to fake it becuase of the situation.

whenever I think about honesty, I ask myself - Am I a honest daughter, honest sister, honest friend and honest wife. I could relate myself to other roles/entities, but these are the most important roles were I would want to ask myself whether I am being honest. The answer is obvious and the answer is No. I am not the odd man out.. I am sure 99.999% of the human population fall under the same category as me.

The bigger question that arises to me is how honest am I to myself? Ofcourse my soul or conscious constantly reminds me each time when I go wrong.. may be the smallest of things... like eating junk things when I am actually on a diet...

I dont know about other people, but for me being honest to myself looks like a bigger challenge... I appear to make resolutions, decisions and all you know again I dont follow any of them. Isnt it being dishonest to myself? I always promised myself that I will study well and pass in distinction.. but did not do it. I always promised myself to reduce weight and get fit and healthier, again didnt do it.. Likewise there are many such small and big things that I have promised myself, but failed to keep up the promise.

When I retrospect or to be precise introspect, I realise most of the problems that I have landed myself to was without being honest to myself.

I am not sure if this discovery of me not being honest to myself would trigger my honest harmones to go and confess to people, but from this moment onwards I will put my sincere effort to be honest to myself and to an extent to other people around me.

-D

Weekend Night Out

Its been a while since I blogged. Numerous topics have been roaming over my mind, but not able to make up time.

After a long long period finally partied at a friends place last week. It was nice. Drink and dine was the main attraction of the night. After consecutive pegs of Whisky(I must say half of it was mixed with Red Bull !! there were no real hardcore whisky drinkers!! lol) the boys population wanted to go for a car ride to Maddur. Everyone including the driver had a lil buzz. The main attraction of the journey was NICE road through which we join the mysore road. This stretch of the road looks similar to the highways in Aus. Feels good to drive or to be driven in that road in the midst of dark night and cool breeze. And.. not to forget ,.. a smoke is the perfect buddy when u stopover the car in the middle of the road. We did all this. This is not the first time, I have done this before with other friends too. What I want to say here is, I realised I no more enjoy these moments, I no more long to have such experience, no more want to have such night outs. I am so much sucked into my normal routine of life that I have reached a stage were I dont enjoy anything other than this routine. How sick of me... I have forgotten to enjoy and appreciate small moments in life and live it up !! This numbness will definetely cost me in the long run. OR may be that there are many memories assosciated to NICE road and the maddur coffe day, its not that I dont want to revisit these roads, but defienetly do not want to revisit the past which reminds me of a lot of things and makes me feel sick again !! whatever is the reason, I know my attitude to live it up each moment has died down and my expectations from myself has increased to deliver materialistic aspects of life. Better late than Never !!

-D