The Lonely Night!

I came home running, thinking I would put aside all my thoughts and just hit the bed, as usual did not do what I thought I should do, instead went on to my thinking mode. Off late, I hate to be on my serious thinking mode, it takes me through a long ride into the reality world, that it makes me numb, makes my heart heavy, makes me feel very lonely! I don't know where is the switch to go back to the illusion world, but it takes me a long time, before I could come out of this crazy ride! Unpleasant thoughts, insecurities, fear of losing, and every other emotion I could think of under one roof, hits me up, like a strong wave in the sea, hits me hard and I get lost without a clue how to come back. Am I complicating it for myself, reading too much into everything, reading myself incorrectly, presuming and living in a unreal world? Why is that I cannot think simple, as everybody else around me? Why is happiness such a difficult thing? I definitely have no right answers to any of my questions, nor am I putting an effort to explore the answers, but its been a crazy journey so far in life. I always thought, I would enjoy solitude, but tonight for whatever reason, I am feeling so lonely, so lost, so heavy hearted that I just want to run away from myself. I wish I could just sit by the shore of a beach with the cool breeze and with the heavy sound of the waves, and stare at them for hours, may be these waves could teach me something, bring me back to normal, give a soothing effect. I know I'l be all right, but I hate this state of mind, and haven't figured the way out of it! I am sure I am not the only emotional fool around, wonder where people find their solace? Anyways, Come hell or high water, I got to keep my calm, need to keep telling myself that life isn't a game where all the time its about winning or losing, instead it is about enjoying the moment, treasuring the memories safely, and stay content and happy and not run behind something that was never mine!!!...And will never be!

-D