Why is that I always want more in life. I want everything to be perfect. Is that how I am, or is that how every human being is !! The more I have struggled in life to make things perfect the more it has spoilt !! Could it be the growing insecurity in life or is it being ambitious.. !! anyways the point is.. this urge in me to make sure everything in life to be perfect actually makes me depressed... because Life is "never" perfect ...Does the resolution to this mean, I should have lower expectation from myself and from life and also from the people around me. Is there a benchmark set by people for a 'perfect living' ? Or what suits an individual best is his or her benchmark.
When I think about 'Perfect Living', it reminds me how many a times I am surprised when my mother talks about how our actions in life should adhere to the rules of society. I quite don't understand who is 'society' for me or who belongs to the 'society' that everyone refers to and most importantly who manages and rules this 'society'. Why does everyone to an extent.. scared of 'society'. It has never made sense to me to adhere and stick to the values of society that has been created by some fool !! or may be I am a fool.... doesn't matter... what still irritates me is, inevitably I am also being sucked into the boundaries that society has created and even though I don't like these boundaries... BUT..I still get very scared when I cross them !! Now the question I always ask myself is who am I getting scared of ?? Then I tell myself that the people I am related to, the people I love and the people who love me, my friends, my family are also part of the society... I guess somewhere I figured it out that I am scared that the people whom I love are hurt when I cross the boundaries of society and that's why may be I am scared.. Whatever the reason is the reality is I don't have enough courage in me to stand out for the actions that I have done in my life and to justify it. It makes sense to me or not, whether I agree or not.. I too am a part of this society and If I have to live 'peacefully' then I should not make many eyebrows raise against me !! Whatever.. One thing is for sure, I will not bound my kids with such thoughts that I have inherited. They are free to be the way they want as long as they don't hurt someone !! Boundaries,limits and circle is up to them to draw. Again there is always a star*
-Deepa.
